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(ML097) Why is it that I sound great when I play at home, but as soon as I start jamming with other people, I forget everything I know? In this short video, we’ll discuss why this happens and how you can overcome this.
Discussion Video
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Thank you Brian, I really enjoy your site and you are very much appreciated.
ty ty ty 🙂
Brian, thanks for this encouragement. I’m having these confidence issues in a shared lesson sessions where I can play tunes cleanly, but not as fast as others. Makes me wonder if I can ever ‘catch up.’ Your micro lesson is just what I needed to hear today. s.
Completely spot on !
Thank you Brian. It’s nice to know I’m not alone. I can relate to pretty much everything you said. It’s devastating when you discover that under pressure you can’t play what, in private, you know inside out and your suggested solutions make a lot of sense. Most often we are our own worst critics and the things we have played are not half as bad as we, who know what we intended, think. Having said that ,there are of course times when we mess up. The self videoing of our “performance” is such an important step to take. Not only does it help you overcome that pressure of being in the spotlight, but also highlights the areas you need to work on most. A friend told me that when you video yourself playing that video is a real reflection of where you’re at as a player – you can’t skip over the difficult areas like you do when you’re just noodling.
I’m sorry this is long winded but I think your post is so important to all of us developing players. Thanks for all you do.
Yep! Been there. Have confidence in your abilities. Play only what fits in the song, while being aware of what other musicians are doing. Anticipate the chord changes while staying in the moment. Don’t always try to fill up empty space.
lol…this hit me right in the head…I finally found some guys to jam with who are way ahead of me…. instantaneous pressure….humbling…all the things u said hahaha…I’m older and probably have different goals than many of you guys … but when I play with these 2 guys there’s no 2nd shot…a song pops into someone’s head and were off…they know the song and I don’t …I have to figure it out and contribute by the second verse or I’m on the sidelines…I think I sound horrible and they compliment me for “driving the rhythm”…love the “think like a singer” analogy…I’m new to the singing side of things and you talk about fear and freezing up….lordy …I notice that I don’t mind sounding bad with “only” other musicians in the room, work on the phrasing or whatever …bring in an audience and it changes….humans hate to be embarrassed
A very encouraging micro lesson Brian! These relatable tips throughout your lessons are part of the magic of your teaching style. Thanks!
Thanks for the encouragement Brian. It’s important to know that others are having these “near death experiences. “ Many years ago when I first picked up the guitar a friend of mine used to invite me to jam with he and his friend, who had been playing and performing for years. I had no idea how to improvise and was hardly able to keep a rhythm going. More often than nought my ear was so wooden I’d be on the wrong chord and not even know it. Much pride was swallowed. Interestingly enough ,I was encouraged by the experience and sought out more opportunities to play which in the end allowed me to become more confident, and a better player. Unfortunately ,30 years of life has intervened with almost no playing and I find myself almost back to square one . Your tips are well taken, as are all your lessons. In particular it’s always good to hear of your personal challenges too. It makes us feel we are not alone.
Thanks, Andrew
Brian,
Excellent advice! I love the idea of playing all the way through the song, then watching the recording after waiting some time.
You are a great teacher and I really enjoy your lessons.
Doug C.
Marietta, GA
Thankyou Brian-very encouraging-not enough minutes in the day to take in all your great lessons , always look forward to Fri to hear the the next great lesson
I had to stop the video in order to write this! Your opening lines here are so “spot on” Brian! I thought it was only me who suffered from this “sickness!” I’ve been playing for many years and I’ve put in a LOT of hard work memorizing notes, scales, shapes, songs, triads, CAGED, Pentatonics…The list goes on and on! I’ve spent my time at the woodshed getting my fingers to do pretty much what I want them to. I’ve worked on speed drill and string skipping for my right hand and I’ve accepted that I’m not a real “speedy” player. However, I consider myself a fairly knowledgeable and decent “intermediate” player, WHEN I’M ALONE! If you put me in front of others, even my wife for gods sake, I go completely blank! I mean zero, nothing! My fingers don’t work, I can’t remember the song I’ve been working on for the past week…It absolutely sucks and I’m glad to hear that I’m not the only one who experience’s this bizarre phenomenon! Ok, back to the video to see how I can overcome it! Cheers!
Really helpful talk with great ideas for dealing with those performance niggles that get me almost every time I play in front of people. Might even get to the point of not thinking, it was so much better in the kitchen last night, after almost every song!
I experienced this problem a few weeks ago. I played professionally for years in the sixties but when I jammed in public for the first time in 40 years, I forgot, got lost and a big one. I was listening to the base and a not so good harmonica player trying to follow the chord changes in “Need Your Love So Bad”.
I realized later I should have just played what I knew and let them catch up. Plus, I play Bobbie Blands “Stormy Monday” and they play an Alman Brothers blues/rock version. That caused me to think and adjust rather than play what I was used to.
Thanks for constantly reminding me to adjust and improvise. In the Army we say “Adapt and overcome.” What I wanted them to do was adapt and blend when I should have, as the group plays together all the time.
Thanks again,
Blues Bob
I think many people have problems playing or speaking in public for one simple reason; they forget to breathe! They get so caught up in what’s coming next they starve themselves of oxygen. Discipline yourself to slow down just enough to include time to breathe and brain and playing muscles will respond favorably.
Playing in public to me is like the “yips” in golf. I know I can do it, but my hands get sweaty and I fall apart. Like a different player. Will take your advice, and try videoing. Thanks.
Learn the phrase, not just the notes. How many of us can instantly hum the opening line of “Amazing Grace”? A simple identifiable phrase . Just like your BB King comment. Hear how a phrase fits the song and KISS.
Spot-On
Yep Brian that did happen to me, got in front of audience and I just froze totaling forgot my place and completely went like just saying (awe awe what). I knew what key and tone but it was so embarrassing cause as a DJ my place was to know what to play and knowing what note to place in, but it was so bad, anyway haven’t done it again
so I’m been slowing down in my playing hoping to restart or jump start my playing, and thanks that I’m not alone. Happy trials
This is an important topic. Playing/jamming with strangers is always challenging for me. You often get a variety of levels & there’s always a flashy guy who knows a few riffs around fret 5, but can’t or won’t play backup when You’re doing fills or soloing. All too often he simply doesn’t know about chord progressions or song structure so he just quits playing until it’s time for him to amaze everybody with the same old riffs. Then there’s singers, bless their hearts and those who use tabs during a spontaneous jam. And those who won’t give you room to breathe & step all over your fills & solos & can only play in one key. Sometimes it helps to say something like, “Uh, can we kinda coordinate our efforts here?”
I am not playing with anyone now I played with some others at a church we were attending ( played chords & finger picked )
For the singers, it was a lot of fun! My wife and I used to go to nursing homes played and treached & sang @ them. Got bigger
fish to fry now I thought but I was the one that got fried!! Really sir we are having more fun now than we have ever had! We
are in our seventies and sure are getting forgetful! this video right down my alley. anyway You sure have made a big difference
in my music playing ability. In fact this has this has inspired me this morning. Thanks again.
Thank you for letting us know that you have and still do experience the feelings on stage. I play twice a month with the local blues society jam session and after playing with many of the same people I still freeze up some times.
If it wasn’t for the support that I have received from the other musicians I might have quit a while back.
I am going follow your suggestion and record myself a couple of times a week and see if that helps.
Great words of wisdom, Brian. I was in a session just last week doing my solo over “Stormy Monday” that I’ve done a hundred times except this time I thought I could phrase it just a bit differently. Not a good idea because the whole thing went off into the weeds. Thank goodness for the good old minor pentatonic scale to get me back on track. Some days it just happens that way. The funny part about the whole thing was that no one noticed!
Brian,
Thanks so much for this video. It is so timely for me and my experience and where I am at. Most of my playing is to jam tracks and sitting at home I feel pretty confident producing solos that I like playing with jam tracks. Then I go out and play with other folks and, unless it is a 12 bar blues, which is my wheelhouse, I forget everything, or feel like I forget everything when it comes to soloing. The situation is made worse when there is someone else (and there always is that someone) who is clearly stronger player than I am.
And when it happens I know that a lot of it is in my head and I am trying to do too much, which results in overplaying and the feeling that you have to making sound constantly rather than just laying back listening to the band and contributing simple phrases. Boy easier said then done, but interesting to hear your perspective on it. Definitely going to work on the single take recording trick.
Thanks so much for this encouraging video! This happens to me ALL THE TIME. I can hit some of the prettiest riffs and tones behind closed doors, but it will all fall apart just playing in front of my wife. Thanks for the tips, I will start implementing them in my playing.
I know the feeling. Piano teacher wife, absolutely pitiless. Although I knew she was right, awfully right all the time, it used to be so frustrating at times (well, actually very often). That time is over, now. No more of that kind of frustration, without having had to overcome anything. but now, lo and behold!, I miss it. Because one day, it’ll be three years ago in four days, I came back home and there she was, lying on the sofa, as dead as one can be. Sudden death, so sudden that for eight days, until the result of the autopsy, I was suspected of having done her in…
So be happy and do fall apart in front of your Lady. My respects to her.
That is an excellent piece of information. I will spend some time thinking about everything that you said. I will revisit the video and then start the recording suggestion. Thanks, B.
Nervously practicing towards my first jam-session (a four day spa with local musos) on 17 January, after some 53 years of not playing with anyone else (except along with you for the last three!) and this little ML is a great little reminder to “keep cool and keep it simple”. .Thanks
Just saw this video, I really appreciate your perspective. Forgetting happens to me at nearly every jam and makes me shy away from them. One thing I love about your site Brian, is you create a safe place to learn without a lot of hype and ego. These are great lessons, thanks!
Or just stop looking for external sources of motivation and validation.
nah it’s not that people are looking to be validated by someone else – it’s that some get nervous and forget everything they know. that happens to us all at some point
Brian, My first (Public) gig is tomorrow night at a friends Birthday Party! Hopefully, I won’t “Crash-and-Burn too badly. I think your video here will be very helpful to me – Thank you! 🙂
Thanks for this. It has happened to me, particularly when playing with people who are better than me. The warm up is when they can all show off their tricks which can be very intimidating to the new player ……… who then freezes when it comes to their turn.
I think that one thing that has helped me, is the realisation that regardless of your level, as long as you play to it (don’t be too ambitious), you can add something to any group. Even basic chords provide a background for others to shine.
Understand the ‘brain freeze’ thing … been there, done that, have the t-shirt … I suppose we all suffer that … but you, my friend, have so much to give … hope you’re doing a lot professionally … the world needs to hear your playing.
I’ve been playing guitar since I was young and have played in front of small and large crowds…this advice is so awesome!! I’ve always only played acoustic, but am learning from Brian how to play more riffs on electric. I love this dude and his advice!
Spot on. Very helpful and encouraging!
Self perception is often hugely distorted. .. for example, if there is a q&a session after a technical presentation I used to worry about taking to long to respond to a question. To me it seemed and eternity, but I realized that the audience seems it as a moment’s reflection! Plus, if you take a sip of water, the questioner is flattered that their answer must be so searching 🤣
For me the really striking comment Brian made was when he admitted that half the time he came away disappointed and less than satisfied with his performance in front of others. I had always imagined Brian had a vast repertoire of music instantly available at his finger tips under any conditions and at any time.
If it happens to a very competent and accomplished guitarist like Brian then it’s ok when it happens to me!
The solution Brian provides of making one take recordings etc clearly will help improve matters, but we must not expect that we will ever be guaranteed a totally successful and satisfying session every time we perform in front of others.
Rod
Been in the biz since the sixties. This will still happen regardless of instrument, regardless of gig or session. One-take circumstances are NOT practice sessions or places to showcase new skills/skillsets. You are there to play what serves the production… however much or little that entails. You are there to LISTEN and react with comfortable and established skills. You are there because of what you CAN do… not because of what you HOPE you can do.
KISS. We’ve all heard it. We all know what it means. How many of us are aware enough to apply it?
Music and performance are to be lived, experienced and enjoyed through sharing. You share with the other players, the audience or producer/engineer or just your friends.
If you DON’T feel a little trepidation, you’re not fully present in the moment and need to focus.
When you hit a groove and settle in, there’s nothing else like it. That’s where you stop playing at the music and start being in the music.
Keep crankin’, Brian. You’re a skilled teacher and committed musician. Cheers!
Good pep talk, Brian. One of the things I’ve learned over the years is to always leave a little “head space” when playing in front of others … that is, don’t go right to the edge of your abilities, but leave a little space … do the things you know you do well and can do with confidence and avoid going to places that are shaky. I often use a war-like saying when trying something new (song or riff): is it ‘battle tested’ … do I have the confidence that I can pull it off in under stress. If not, keep in the practice space until it’s really ready.